


5 ways Hermione Granger irritates Scabior

by vixevilcat7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixevilcat7/pseuds/vixevilcat7
Summary: What can I say? It's another parody!
Kudos: 1
Collections: vixevilcat7





	1. Chapter 1

Just a little bit of crack/parody to cheer myself up after too long of a day at work.

5\. She asks how much broomstick turbulence he went through while putting his eye liner on.

4\. She tells him she really needs her scarf back because Ron is getting a cold.

3\. She tells him he can borrow her perfume if he needs to feel prettier.

2\. She scolds him for letting his men run wild, throw hexes and destroy the woods.

1\. She refuses to be his girlfriend, claiming an unrequited love for Fenrir Greyback (causing Scabior to clench his wand angrily and glare at the unsuspecting back of Greyback.


	2. Broomstick turbulence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broomstick turbulence, crowd control and the urge to really, really kill an unsuspecting werewolf! Another one shot! Crack/Parody! Not to be taken seriously! Rules 5, 2, and 1.

Scabior loved his guy liner but sometimes, mainly when he was drunk or hungover, he wasn't the best at putting it on. Other times, he could apply it flawlessly. Providing there were no outside disturbances! Case in point, he was leaned back against a tree, all relaxed and refreshing his guy liner when he was startled by a loud crack. His hand jerked and eyeliner trailed off towards his ear.

He glared at the cause of his mishap, one Golden Trio! "Don't just stand there! Get'em!" They ran and ran through the woods! He was just about to get a stitch in his side! Finally they caught them. He stormed up to Hermione who burst out laughing. "Exactly how much broomstick turbulence did you hit? You messed up your liner big time!"

He rolled his eyes and growled angrily. "YOU three caused me to mess it up. I happen to be quite good at applying it on a broomstick, thank you very much!"

"You know, you really ought to keep better control of your men! Why look around! They've destroyed the woods! Running wild, throwing hexes like that! They could really hurt themselves or someone else!" she scolded.

He starts to see why everyone calls her insufferable! "If you would simply give up and not run away, we wouldn't have to destroy half the woods to catch you!"

He gets a good look at how pretty she really is. "So, you single? I'm available. I'll treat ya right! Come on, what do ya say?" he attempts to persuade her. She smiles sweetly at him, knowing exactly what will make him angry. "No, I can't! I really can't! You see, there's someone else, someone who doesn't even know I'm alive," here Hermione stops to fake cry, "but I love him so much, I really do, even though I know he'll never love me back!" she declared dramatically.

Clenching his teeth together, "And just who would this lucky gentleman be? I need to ki-congratulate him!"

"Why, of course, it's Fenrir! Fenrir Greyback!" Hermione gazed lovingly in the direction of the unsuspecting werewolf! Scabior gritted his teeth, clutched his wand and resisted the urge to kill the living hell out of the werewolf!


	3. Hermione asks Scabior to return her scarf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule 4 of my Hermione/Scabior five rules. Crack/Parody. Hermione asks Scabior to return her scarf because Ron has a cold.

The trio had just been caught. Scabior, the leader, came jumping down a bank to see the captives. After checking the boys, he came to inspect the girl. Before he could say a word, however, she spoke first.

"That's my scarf! I need it back, please!" she told him.

"No. this is my scarf." He refused.

"No! It's MY scarf! You stole it!" she accused.

"Like hell, I did! I'll have you know I found it! Finder's Keeper's!" he snapped back.

"But I really need it back!" she cried.

"Too bad! You shouldn't have accused me of stealing it!" he smarted off at her.

"you need to give me the scarf right now!" she sassed.

"Why? Give me one good reason you need this scarf back!" he popped back.

"Because Ron has a cold. He needs it to cover his coughs, unless you want to end up sick." She reasoned.

He rolled his eyes and walked away. Later, after they had dumped the trio off on the Malfoys, one by one his boys started coughing, starting with the one who had been closest to Ron.

"Damnit," he swore, "I should have given her the damn scarf back!"


End file.
